In life, we have this certain order of events — going to school, graduating, starting a career, meeting someone, getting married, and having kids. No one dreams of becoming a single mother.
Single motherhood is a journey that most of us never planned to take.
As women, we have many dreams — one of which is to find the right partner, get married, and build a family. But sometimes, life has other plans. There’s a group of us — women with children who are widowed, divorced, or separated. Not because we wanted it that way, but because life took a different turn, often out of our control.
I’m one of those in that sector of society.. Being a single mother wasn’t a choice I wanted or planned for.
What happened..
I was in a toxic relationship for many years. It drained me. I was living in fear, unhappy, depressed, and unloved. My mental health suffered, my self-worth crumbled, and I started to lose myself.
For a long time, I stayed — for the sake of keeping what society calls a “complete family.”
Just when I thought I could still endure it, I cannot anymore..
It was when I saw my children fearing their father the same way I did. They were scared, sad, and vulnerable.
It was when my home no longer felt like a happy place.
It was when I felt I was failing as a mother, unable to raise happy kids because I was broken (and screaming) inside.
It was when the reasons to leave outweighed the reasons to stay.
That’s when I had enough.
Deciding to become a single mother is not an easy choice
It truly is not.
Because more than myself, are my kids.
Choosing this path wasn’t a decision I made overnight. It wasn’t part of the plan.
But the relationship was toxic, unhealthy, and unhappy.. God knows I tried everything to hold on.
Getting used to life as a single mother wasn’t easy.
The first few days, I was heartbroken. I felt I wasn’t the mother my kids needed.
The first few weeks, I slowly started picking myself up. Bit by bit, I began to mom my kids the way they deserved.
And in those first few months, I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I kept going.
Indeed, time is a healer. I may have doubted my ability to surpass that point in my life, but I just kept showing up.
Fast-forward to now — Every day is a miracle.
As a Christian, prayer has been my strength. By grace through faith, I kept moving forward.
I made mistakes, had setbacks, but I stayed focused.
I kept looking for the good, kept learning, caring, and loving. Next thing I know, I’m healing.
So what’s next…
I’m a firm believer that you are not what you are by coincidence, but rather, you are what you are for a purpose.
There may be a lot of ‘supposed tos’ that I don’t meet, a lot of ‘shoulds’ that I’ll never live up to, and random down days that I still struggle with.. But when I reflect on the beautiful things that have come out of this situation, I know they were meant to be.
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