Alone but not lonely
So it’s this time of the year. Days from now, my social media feed will be in love mode (again).
Couple pics, ladies getting flowers and gifts, the dinner dates, the sweet messages.. bring it on… like it’s slapping you with the reality that you’re alone.. for the nth time.
Bitter? nah!
But I’m not detaching myself from the fact that yes, there’s this part of me that is wanting and longing to have that kind of feeling — adored, desired, loved.
I’m human; it’s human nature, and I’m a woman. No matter how much we convince ourselves that "we can buy ourselves flowers," there’s this girl inside us, screaming and longing to have that validation.
We can keep on denying that it’s okay; we’re good, we’re content, and we’re okay being alone.
Like, “Excuse me, I don’t know about you, but it's definitely not me.” “I’m an independent woman; I don’t need someone," blah blah.
Yeah, let’s keep saying that to ourselves when deep inside we know we have these moments of “I wish I had someone.”
So before you refuse to entertain this thought, I want you to, even just for this moment, be true to yourself.
The truth is…
The “I am independent” or “I don’t need someone" is a reactive approach.
It could be due to a trauma or a very bad experience that you had sometime in the past or once in your life.
I get it; you’ve been through a lot in life. I want you to know that it’s understandable and valid.
And even if you opt to take the ‘me, myself and I’ path, the reality is that…
We are designed to want to have someone — That’s the default.
Like the little girl we once were who wants to have friends in school or a best friend. Or that clingy little you who can’t get enough of mama.
Yes, not in a romantic sense, but the longingness to belong, the desire to have someone, it’s the way we are… before the programming.
And it’s fine. It’s totally fine to want someone but refuse to have one… yet, or not at all.
The thing is…
Not because we’re wanting something doesn’t mean we’re going to have it rushed and forced.
If there’s one thing I learned from this journey that I took several years ago, it's that a relationship that is rushed and forced is bound to fail. That’s what happened to me.
If it’s not for you yet, don’t fret. Your time will come.
But you have to work on it. It’s not like it’s going to drop on your lap one day. When I say work on it, I mean keep on loving yourself and honoring your needs as a woman. Take good care of yourself and work on growing spiritually, personally, and emotionally.
You see, it’s okay to admit that we want to have someone, but only the kind that is right. Keep on clinging to the hope that someday, one day, you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky.
For the meantime, this is how Valentines day for us — alone but not lonely.
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